Time with Grandma (family e-mail from Steph, grand-daughter)

3/28/2006

I had a realization while I was chatting with Brent online:
It is amazing how much time everyone got to spend with Grandma, and how she 
was at all the important events of the grandkids lives--no wonder everyone 
thought they were the favorite grandchild. 

I had some other memories as I read Uncle Ken’s message.

Uncle Ken mentioned how the war was a blessing, because they moved to Utah 
and found the church. Grandma told me sometime when I was in College that 
the War was a blessing in disguise. She said that before the war Japanese 
Americans couldn’t get a lot of jobs because people were prejudice, even 
though it wasn’t until the war that it was blatant (those aren’t her exact 
words). She said though that the wrap up of the war opened doors for 
Japanese Americans to get jobs that they couldn’t get before. She mentioned 
the job of being a teacher, but now I can’t remember if that was the only 
job they could find before the war or if it was one that opened up after the 
war. I was really surprised to hear this. I think she even said that Uncle 
Ron didn’t believe her (feel free to correct me if she was wrong). Hearing 
that made me think of the war differently. 

I think it’s hard not to be selfish as a grandchild. I mean it seems the 
typical role is for the Grandparent to want the grandchild to be happy and 
for the grandchild to want the Grandparent to make them happy. I remember 
sitting in Dai Ichi Ward in the big chapel area, sitting by Grandma and I’m 
not sure if it was the day the Matsumori’s were speaking for their farewell 
to the Kobe mission but someone was speaking and Grandma turned to me and 
said something about “maybe I should go on a mission”. I had to restrain 
myself from yelling “No!” in the middle of the sacrament meeting “You 
already have been on 2 missions. I need you and our family needs you.” I 
was thinking though I don’t think I would’ve said it “It’s not fair for you 
to go, what about your family!” 

I also remember her more times than once 
saying that she wished she had stayed or moved back to Bountiful because 
everyone was so nice there, and she had good friends. I knew she felt 
lonely sometimes and that’s why she tried living with all those old people 
at…now I forget the name I think it started with an H—Highland Cove? But 
still, I knew it was much better that she didn’t move because if she did 
then she wouldn’t be at Applegate so close to my house and going to Dai 
Ichi. 

I think about now and I guess I’m still the typical Grandchild 
because even though it seemed she was expecting to die soon the way she 
talked, well really my whole life it seems, and seemed fine with it, if it 
weren’t for suffering from pain, I would really not want her ever to die, 
unless I did, even though she’s probably happier in a lot of ways.

I’m not sure if what I’ve been writing is helpful, makes any sense, or is 
too depressing, but reading everyone else’s words and being able myself to 
just think and write about Grandma has helped me to feel more connected with 
the family and even Grandma while being a few state’s away. Though it has 
to be done, sometimes it seems like life shouldn’t carry on as normal when 
this happens, I mean it’s hard to not be with everyone right now and to have 
to go to work not knowing when your suddenly going to just start thinking 
about Grandma and crying; it’s good to know that everyone is thinking about 
her and to hear how blessed our family really is. 

Love
Steph