This morning, at 5:00 AM, I lay sleeping or dreaming or waking. As I thought about my Mom, about her life and times, I thought about how she's assured a place in heaven for all the things she did here. It's easy to become an angel in heaven, when you were already one on Earth. In the last three years that she lived here with us, she never criticized or became angry. It was only while she was living here, did I realize how often she said, "Thank you".
She's so thankful for every little thing, even when it was nothing. Holding her arm to steady her gait or getting home from church, she'd thank me. I thought how lucky I've been to have her here, to have an angel so close by.
I never remember her being angry or scolding me, when I was a child, though she must have for me to turn out to be such a fine gentleman. I don't really know what she did to create such a calm household in my childhood, but I don't think we fought as kids either. I remember that Ron made me cry a few times when I was little, but really only once distinctly. I tore his shirt pocket and he got really mad at me, made me cry. But that was the only time I even remember having harsh words with any of my siblings.
Then I realized that she not only was an angel, but she created angels too. My two sisters and my two brothers always took care of me and looked out for me. My dad was always by my side, checking my work, seeing if I had left any weeds in the row of onions. Making sure my radish bunches were big enough, but not too big. He never yelled at me either. Not when I drove the tractor into a ditch and not even when I drove the truck into a ditch when I was 15. It was a slick road though, it wasn't my fault. Not when I got the tractor so stuck in the mud that we couldn't get it out. I think it's still there.
I remember when I was 5, Ken taught me how to drive the tractor. I sat between his legs on the tractor seat and drove, while he made sure I didn't crash. Either he wasn't a very good teacher or I needed him a few times, down the road.
Ken coached my primary softball team. We weren't very good. One time we lost a game 53 to nothing. I was pitching. It was pretty fun though. I was only about 9 at the time, I guess, because Ken went on his mission when I was 10 and I was playing little league when I was 12. I wonder if it was Ron who was our coach and not Ken, because I thought I was 11 and Ken was already gone by then.
Everyday at noon Ron would pitch fast pitch softball to me. I was a good catcher for being 11 or so.
My Grandpa Morio used to live with us too, when I was in my preteens. He was kind, gentle and a very hard worker. I loved my Grandpa. He was a great guy. Sometimes he lived with us and sometimes he lived with my Uncle Nibs and family. He would write me letters and say, "Dear Dickie, How's the weather there? It's raining in Seattle." I think every letter started that way, I wonder if it rains a lot in Seattle or something.
My two sisters, Irene and Sharon were always nice to me. I don't remember them ever being angry with me either or raising their voices. Of course Irene only has a quiet voice.
So now I realize that I didn't just have one angel in my house, I had lots of angels and just now figured that out.
In these last few years, when Grandma Mano lived with us; I call her Grandma mostly, even though she's not my Grandma. We used to call her Mommy when we were kids, but then we got older and although Mommy was endearing it sounds funny coming from adults, I guess. That's why we all call her different things, some Mom, some Mother, some Grandma.
Anyway, in the last few years while she's been living with us, she was always kind and supportive. She always gave us $200 a month, even though I protested that she didn't need to. I guess that was for room and board although she never ate that much. She did use a lot of material for all the quilts and projects. Linda would set up a quilt or two or three a month for her so she'd have some projects to do. I think that's where that money went mostly.
And since she gave us that money every month, we'd allow her to cook dinner and wash the clothes and clean out the dishwasher. She loved doing those things, especially the laundry. We couldn't stop her from doing that, it was her daily routine. She was still doing laundry two weeks ago, when she was very wobbly. I asked her not to go downstairs when we weren't home because she could fall. She said, I hold on tight to the rail.
Chad told me that while they were here visiting a few weeks ago that she walked by the stairs, she kind of lost her balance and caught herself on the banister right by the stairs, so I put up a gate at the top of the stairs so she wouldn't fall down them. That was right after the last time she did laundry and she hardly came to the kitchen after that, she was mostly in bed. She said, "I didn't know I could stay in bed so much", she was so tired. I hope it wasn't because I put up the gate up.
I didn't have the heart to tell her she was wasting water by washing clothes everyday or washing dishes when the dishwasher wasn't quite full. Maybe that's why it snowed so much in the mountains this year. I don't think God minded her wasting water.
She always seemed wobbly in the last few years. And she did fall sometimes, but she'd always get right back up when she fell. I think that was a metophor of her life. Mostly she didn't tell us that she fell. Sometimes we or some of the grandkids could pry information out of her, she'd reluctantly say that she fell. Or sometimes someone would hear her fall and go running and usually she was already back on her feet. I had a Joe Poluka punching bag like that once. You'd hit it and it would just pop back up to be hit again and it always was soft and had a smile on his face, like, "I didn't fall down, what are you looking at?" It had sand in it's shoes to make it pop back up. I think I'll check Grandma's slippers to see if there's sand in them.
In 2003 she was having little blackouts. Sometimes she'd fall from them. One day she fell a couple of times and I helped her up. I had a dentist appointment, so I went to it and on the way back to work afterwards, I had the distinct feeling that I should go home to check on her, but I was late for work and figured she'd be okay. That afternoon, Joy came home and Joy phoned me and said that Grandma keeps having blackouts, I told her to take her to St. Mark's emergency. I met them there and we sat in the waiting room while they took her in, but she waited quite a while in one of the rooms until a doctor checked her. Then they started rushing around like it was an emergency, later that day she had a pace maker placed. It's a good thing Joy is more in tuned than I am, she gave Grandma a few more years.
Being so wobbly, I didn't think she could travel so much. Even in the last few years, after she was 88 she traveled all over the place. She went to Seattle for Keith's wedding reception with me. Or I went with her. She got to see Stephi and Uncle Nibs and Aunt Mary while there too She traveled to Japan with Floyd and Irene to see Brent and Paul and families and to see her Obasan one last time. Saying things like, "One last time" makes me cry. I shouldn't say that.
She went with us to Chicago and Nauvoo to see Jon and Chad and their families and Bruce and family too, Jenny is so nice to her. Jenny took her and the kids to a swimming pool. Grandma didn't go swimming, but she sat by the pool and watched them. She said there's all those people running and splashing, but I could always see where they were because they were the only ones that weren't black. Stephi took her to Nauvoo.
Just this past December, 2005, she went to Pleasanton to go to Trent's homecoming. Natalie flew here to take her there, that was nice of Natalie. She enjoyed that trip, being with the California Manos, making sushi, going to a movie. Ken and Carolyn told me there was some bleeding and that we should have her checked. Afterwards she said to me, "I wonder how Carolyn knew I had blood coming out, I never told her". She didn't want to bother anyone.
I think there were a couple of other trips in the last few years that I can't think of.
Linda has been so nice to her. Especially providing projects for Grandma to do. Preparing quilt blocks, sewing them together and setting them up for her to quilt. Or getting yarn for her to make her presents for all the grandkids and great grandkids. All those hats and scarves and shawls and afghans and pot holders and toilet paper covers (or hats for some) and pillows. Linda gets off work early on Fridays and almost every week she would take Grandma to get her hair done. Linda has been an angel to Grandma and she's my other angel.
One week, just the second to the last time she went there, I took her. It's across the street and down the road a little bit from Ron and Cheryl's house. I said, why don't you find someone closer to our house to get your hair done. She said, I guess I should, shouldn't I. It's a long ways to go. At the end of the session, I went inside and sat and waited for her to get done. The hairdresser lady, Linda, was so nice to her and did her hair so beautifully. She was concerned about her health and jauntice. The lady waiting knew her too, I guess they've had consecutive appointments for a long time. And Grandma said the lady before her is very nice too. On the way home, I told her she should keep going to have her hair done there. That was when I realized she went there to see her friends, not just to get her hair done. Darin took her there a couple of weeks ago, I think that was her last time. Last Friday she cancelled her appointment, because she had a Doctor's appointment that day. One time Neil teased her about being vein, because she got her hair done every week, so she decided to just get her hair done every other week. Linda had to talk her back into going every week.
Joy lived here since she got home from her mission until a few months ago. Grandma loved to sit in her big chair and listen to Joy play the piano for her. I told Joy she might be taking over first place as favorite grandchild. I think all of the Grandkids felt like they were the favorites. Patrice and Jon always said, I'm your favorite aren't I, Grandma. Although Jon would say "favorite grandson" not grandchild. I don't recall her ever saying she had a favorite, although many assumed it was Stephi. She once said to me, "I don't have a favorite. But when Stephi comes to the house she just keeps herself busy all day and doesn't ever say, I'm bored or want to go home, or what shall I do now, Grandma." She didn't really like whining, but she didn't do favorites either. She knew every grandchild and great-grandchild's name and face and birthdate.
Yesterday some of her stuff was sitting on the dining room table and Darin saw some lists. He said Grandma was always sending him lists like that. We looked at these lists, one had all the great grandkids names in order of birth. Another had all the grandkids that went on missions and what country they went to. Darin said she was always sending him lists like that when he was on his mission. Darin has a claim at favorite grandchild too, after all he got the stamps for his birthday.
When Steph was here a few weeks ago for the 91st birthday and Emmali's blessing, she spent a lot of time with Grandma. In her room while Grandma was in bed. Grandma really appreciated that. She said, "That Stephi, kanshin da ne." Whatever that means. Steph did a lot of studying about pancreatic cancer and jauntice and bile ducts and stints recently. And she and I were working with Grandma on herbal remedies when the doctors were taking tests and more tests and not doing much. Grandma would say, what's that and I'd say, Stephi thinks it might help you, so she'd take it and say, "So many pills." I think the water she had to drink to take the pills kept her alive a little longer, she wasn't drinking much the last few days or even week.
When Jon and Kim were here Grandma was still healthy. It was nice that Kim got to know Grandma better then. Grandma was glad to have Chad and Rachel and the kids here a few weeks ago too. Grandma loved to hold the babies, she had lots of fun holding Emmali and Marissa and Noele. Although it was a close race between Marissa and Noele, I think Marissa was the last baby that Grandma held in her arms.
I'm glad Sharon got to see her last week before she went back home to Virginia on March 13th. I took a four generation picture with Noelle and Sandi and Sharon. We should have taken one with the other kids too.
Grandma loved her sons in law and daughters in law so much. Often it was them that were the most diligent in keeping in touch and caring and worrying for Grandma. Carolyn and Cheryl and Linda were so close to her and Floyd and Wally took such good care of her on trips and when she was at their houses. She felt at home at all her children in law's houses.
And now I realize, she wasn't the only angel in my life. I'm surrounded by angels, I'm among a family of angels. Thank you all for sharing in Grandma's life and for each one being her favorite. She used to tell me how lucky I was to have a mother because she didn't have one when she was a little girl. And she'd say, you'll be sorry when I'm gone, although she said that to Ron more than to me. I didn't have a Grandma, just like she didn't have a mom. So we're all lucky to have had a Mom and a Grandma like her. And she was right, I was lucky to have a Mom and I am sorry now that she's gone.
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